The tide of change

For a moment so large, it suddenly seemed effortless. Smoothly, the tide of relentless traffic carried me here, to my new home for the year. Another new chapter. Calmly, it washes me up; a small shell tossed carelessly yet simultaneously gently alongside all the others.

Maybe it was and is my drive for something more, the chase of that immeasurable inconceivable goal somewhere off in the distance, that has blurred my vision making everything glisten with positivity and ambition.

Two weeks after the initial drop, I sit here brimming with content. Fourteen days and only one miniscule blip later and I still feel that same vein of hope pulsing through my veins. I’m excited to embrace the inevitable tough challenges as and when they come my way. In no way am I naïve enough to believe I will not encounter complications but I already feel more self assured than before. Stronger. Capable.

No doubt about it, the forthcoming year will be the most demanding and intimidating yet. Daily, I am surrounded by intelligent, driven individuals who are unknowingly pushing me to be better, to achieve greater. However, I am fortunate enough right now to be in a position where I have the opportunity to decipher the best qualities of myself and to nurture them, pursue them, encourage them.

A fresh start.

A new beginning.

The clichés are correct; I feel able to leave behind the negative aspects and people of the past, allowing the tide of life to wash them away allowing me to keep only those that matter most. And with that comes a clearer mind. A chance to focus on what really matters; to prioritise the right things and people. Finally.   

For now, the distance has brought me closer to certain individuals than I imagined it would. And I’d leave time and time again if it meant we’d maintain that, and I could keep this new found positivity.

Charly Cox  recently wrote a beautiful piece on her travels to Amsterdam in which she epitomized how I’m feeling better than I ever could:

‘It is here I am letting learning throw me into adventure and in turn discovering teachings that haven’t been bred from pain.’

Come on London, let’s go and have the year of our lives.

A

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Home: Just a concept?

Whenever I feel a flash of inspiration and I'm away from my laptop or notebook, I jot my ideas down in the 'Notes' section on my phone. I'm sure this isn't a surprising concept; many people do it. 

I found this note I'd left myself among the list of disjointed ramblings and thought I'd share it. So, here you have some thoughts conjured up many miles away from 'home'. 

As I type this, I'm sat on a plane 39,000 feet in the air on my way to Morocco to complete my charity expedition and (hopefully) summit Mount Toubkal. And as this metal tube hurtles it's way through the air at 499mph, I've been thinking a lot about the concept of home.

For a lot of people, the word 'home' conjures up images of parents, family, a childhood setting, maybe Christmas or other similar occasions. Family; security; safety. For others, it may mean a city, town, village; simply the place in which they're from. Somewhere they can ground themselves; a pivot from which they can resonate.

But for me, I'm unsure what home means. Sure, my first instinct would be to describe my mother's house; the place where I grew up. Or Coventry, as that's where I was born and where I've always lived. However, in the past year, I've lived in a number of houses in the same city, with a range of different people and they've all strangely felt at some point like 'home' to me. I don't know whether this just makes me an adaptable person, or whether I'm just a little lost.

So, I guess, what I would have to say is that for me, home can't be based solely on location or memories. It's a feeling, a concept. My home is wherever I feel most content; a place I can relax; a place filled with laughter, song, and most importantly, a place where I can be inspired. It can stay constant, or it can change without me even realising. 

I also feel a if a person can have more than one home. To me, the family home will always be my 'home', but it won't be the only home I have. And that's okay. 

I guess I'm lucky to have found more than one place where I can feel comfortable, and as long as I have that place to escape to when things get tough, everything will be okay one way or another.  

A

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A Space just for Me

I've always been a creative person; my mind often wandering off into a world of it's own. A world of hope, magic and wonder. A world where anything is possible; any dream is manageable. And so, it's hard for me when the reality in which we're placed is in such harsh contrast. 

Sometimes I'll catch myself daydreaming of a world so similar yet so different. An imaginary oxymoron. Another space completely, where everything resembles the ordinary, yet can't be matched up. 

At times, the changes between the two worlds will be loud and bright, like a flash of lightning on a stormy evening. I'll be whisked away to another location completely, or I may not look the same as I do now.

Yet at others, the difference will be so minute, so subtle, that I'll catch my breath wondering if maybe, just maybe this is real.

You'd look at me and smile that dreaded, beautiful smile that shatters my heart into a thousand pieces whilst simultaneously fixing it back together again. There'd be definite eye contact; I wouldn't be afraid to hold it for fear of you seeing deep into my soul. And you wouldn't be afraid either. 

We'd share something; a spark, a moment, a feeling. It would be real and concrete, not hypothesised and unrealistic.

Things are the same, yet different in this little space of mine. And at the moment, I'm not sure which one I prefer.

A

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Dear Autumn,

You're a challenging one aren't you?

Along with your vibrant influx of colour, you bring winds of change.

Of challenge.

Of slight discomfort.

Yet, you've always been my favourite. Despite the struggles nestling just underneath the surface, you bring with you something so special.

A rusty hopefulness.

The chance of something new; a fresh start, a new beginning.

As the leaves flutter down from the branches, their job for the year complete, I imagine brushing away my worries just as simply.

But, it's not that easy is it?

Unlike your relentlessly happy sibling Summer, it's easier to feel alone when you're around, Autumn. Troubles and worries creep up on me in the early evening dusk. As the nights draw in quicker than before, I find myself contemplating a lot.

It becomes far too easy to get caught up in a whirlwind of negative thoughts. Like the leaves whistling, weaving and winding their way through the wind, my mind takes over and anxiety kicks in.

But, that's okay. I can manage with the worries; they teach me new things about myself and they remind me that I care. For months during Summer, everything is lightweight, free, fun and easy. Autumn arrives and we're thrust back in to the realms of the real world, as suddenly as we're jolted out into the cold. 

But, you're not a burden to me Autumn. Far from that. Instead, you teach me to embrace the changing landscape. By testing and challenging me in more ways than one, you remind me that the best memories come from not running and hiding from that which scares me. 

Autumn; you're a time for snuggling, for curling up in the warmth with a mug of tea as big as my face. 

For laughter, for music concerts, for new books, new friends, new moments to treasure. 

A time for reflection, for realising that everything is going to be alright one way or another. 

For remembering who and what means the most to me, and clinging onto them as we head towards the magic that is Winter.

You may not be as warm and inviting as Summer, but my gosh Autumn, you sure have my heart.

A

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Life Is a Cabaret, Old Chum!

Hello everyone! 
Well, it's been a while since I've been on here, nearly a whole moth to be exact! I have missed blogging.
 University has been pretty hectic as of late, mainly due to my Musical Theatre Society's production taking place. For those of you that don't already know, this year at university I have been lucky enough to be the President of our Musical Theatre Society. Each year the society performs twice: an original showcase written by the artistic team in January, and a fully scripted musical in the third term.

This year, our showcase was titled, 'The Phantom of the Musical' and saw the Phantom himself take the audience on a journey of musical delight as he strove to find his perfect leading lady. Featuring songs from Les Miserables, Cabaret, Chicago, Miss Saigon and more, the show was pretty diverse. However, our wonderful Artistic Director wrote an excellent storyline and I'm very proud to say the show was a success!
We performed for three nights to sell out crowds and everybody had a great time. Here are a few snaps of some of my favourite moments:

Myself and some of the boys, they're the best.

Two of my closest friends and I.

Who run the world? GIRLS!

Performing my all time favourite song from a musical with my favourite people. ONE DAY MORE.

Cabaret.

Tiny person, big stage.

Taking our final bow on the final night.

As well as leading and organising a lot of the committee side of things, I was lucky enough to be granted a solo in the show. I sang, 'Life is a Cabaret' (hence the title of the post) and whilst this song proved difficult for me at times, I'm happy with the overall result. Although I've had solo parts before, I've never actually performed completely alone on stage and in character for a whole song; this was something new for me. And I loved it! I really feel like my performing and confidence has improved massively since I joined MTS back in 2012. I know I am by no means the best, but to have people notice an improvement in something I love doing feels great. 

But, more than all of that (and this is where I get soppy, again) I am so very happy to have helped create something that other people loved being in. As I've said before, and am likely to say many times again, MTS means so much to me. The society has become a huge part of my life; a place where I have met many of my best friends and experienced some of my favourite moments of the past few years. To know that other people are gaining a likewise experience from the society too makes me both happy and proud. One of our newest members Suzie, has written a lovely blog post about her experience which you can read HERE. Reading things like this make all the stressing, worrying and late-night last minute organising worth it.

Our university media team came along on the final night and filmed the show for us. You can watch it below. I’ve never been as proud of a show as this.

Performing really does bring people together; we are proof of that. Our members come from a variety of backgrounds; some have performed all their lives whereas for others this is their first experience of stepping onto stage. But, this is all left at the sidelines and in our society, we all come together to create something as a team.  MTS is a crazy, dysfunctional, at times very incestuous family, and I bloody well love it.

There really is no business like show business!

As always, thankyou for reading.

A

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'How do you measure, measure a year?'

My, oh my, 2013 you've been a crazy one haven't you? The year has whizzed by so fast, I'm left reeling as if it's all been a wonderful (okay, mostly wonderful) dream. 
As the festive season draws to a close, I've found myself reflecting on the metaphorical rollercoaster ride 2013 has been. I feel that I've accomplished a lot this year; 2013 has seen me begin many new chapters of my life, as well as improving on others. 

So, what better way to document and share with you my personal highlights of the past twelve months than a big smushy let's-get-overly-emotional-and-talk-about-all-the-good-things-that-have-happened type post!   

University

2013 has seen me complete my First Year at university, and dive headfirst into the stress that is 'Year Two'. I was apprehensive when beginning university as I was still in my home town, living with my family. I didn't move into Halls of Residence, I didn't have flat mates. Therefore, I was forced to put myself out there even more in order to make friends. This scared me for a number of reasons. Was I still going to get a good experience without having as much independance as those students that do move away? What if I couldn't make friends in a lecture because I'd be too busy scribbling down notes? Of course, as always, I was worrying far too much. Luckily, I met lovely people on my course and soon found my feet. 
I know it's super cliched to say but, University has quite frankly changed my life. I've learnt a lot, I've partied a lot, I've laughed a hell of a lot, and I've had a smile on my face an immeasurable amount more than the year before. I'm now a much more confident person; I've had the chance to take many opportunities that never would have arisen had I not stayed in education. I've also met some of the best people and made some very strong friendships that I hope to hold onto for many years to come.
Although it's not always easy, and I'm often up to my eyeballs in essay stress, I know that every moment is helping me to get to where I want to end up. And the fact that I'm getting to have fun alongside that is pretty darn great. 

Musical Theatre Society

Gah, I barely have words to describe how much this society means to me. I remember forcing myself to pluck up the courage to go to the Fresher's Induction back in 2012. I was terrified. And my God am I glad I went. Through it, I've met most of the amazing friends I mentioned above. During 2013, I had the opportunity to perform in two shows during my first year at University; 'Down on the Avenue' - an original showcase in January and 'Grease' the musical in May. I wrote a post about Grease in more detail, which you can view HERE. All of the people I met were so lovely and made me feel so welcome. I love my MTS family! 
At the end of the semester, when Elections for the new Committee arrived, I decided to challenge myself massively and ran for the role of President. Again, I wrote another post about this which you can catch up on HERE. I won the vote, and as of this September I have assumed the role of President. It has been tough at times, but I love it. In January, we will be performing our showcase, 'The Phantom of the Musical', and I cannot wait for people to see the amazingly talented, hard working members we have.
The most rewarding part of the role is knowing that I'm helping to give the new members a place they love as much as I did last year. Seeing them form friendships with people they may not have otherwise met, and hearing how much they are enjoying the whole experience makes all the late nights, endless emails, phone calls, forms, organising and problem solving stress worthwhile. 
I'm aware I sound like some form of deranged proud Mother, but I have a lot of feelings, okay?

Travels

2013 saw two firsts for me in travel. Back in July, my mum, my sister and I went on holiday for a week to Tenerife. This was the first holiday we'd been on just the three of us, and it was nice to take a time out from all things Internet and work (yes, I did just say it was nice to be away from the Internet) and enjoy some quality time together. I documented my time away in a good ol' post which you can view here. 
I also went on my first 'holiday' of sorts without any parental guidance in August. I spent the most amazing few days in London with one of my closest friends. We went to the YouTube gathering 'Summer in the City' and I spent my birthday evening watching my favourite musical Les Miserables live on the West End for the first time. It's safe to say August was very kind to me this year. If you'd like to hear more about my London adventures, I wrote more about them here, here and here. 

Gigs

Although I haven't been to that many gigs in 2013, the ones I have attended have been pretty spectacular. Most prominently McFly's 10th Anniversary gig at the Royal Albert Hall. That night was just incredible. In 2014, I intend on going to more, including 3 McBusted dates which I already have the tickets for. What? My inner 12 year old just couldn't deal with only one, okay? 

Birth of this blog

2013 saw me take the plunge back into blogging, and it's a decision I'm pleased I made. Although I haven't had as much time as I'd have liked to commit to creating more posts, I'm pleased with where I've got to so far. I'm still finding my feet here, but I intend on improving and writing more in 2014. I have a few little ideas brewing away in my mind and I'm looking forward to sharing them with you here, so I hope you plan on sticking around to see them! 

Without wanting to sound too cliched, I've changed and grown a lot this year. I feel like I'm slowly starting to 'find myself' for want of a better phrase, and it feels good. Positivity is the way forward!

What better way to end this post than with a photo montage of my favourite memories?

(It's okay, I cringed too.)

2013, you've been a blast. 2014, you've got a lot to live up to but I look forward to seeing what you have to bring!

For those of you that haven't seen my previous post on New Year's Resolutions for next year, you can view it here.
Alrighty then! I think that just about rounds up my posts for this year. Thankyou for reading, and for following if you have. It means a lot.
See you in January!

A
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Untitled

Like being on a boat,
Drifting, often aimlessly
Sometimes purposefully
Reaching, surging, navigating
Surviving 

With waves that crash
Unexpectedly overboard, 
With a mass of power
Sometimes manageable, other times with a force
So great
The boat soars up,
Into the air
Like a bird leaving the nest.

And in that moment
Free-falling
Everything is silent,
Calm

And in that moment 
The chaos of the ocean, the upheaval
The torment, 
The mindless meandering,
Can be forgotten,
Left behind.

And it is only in that moment,
That the beauty of the ocean can truly be understood.



(I wrote this a while ago but haven't posted it as I'm not too sure whether I'm happy with it. It's been years since I've written poetry, but I thought I'd give it another go. I'm aware it's different to my normal posts but I'm still finding my feet here in this little corner of the Internet I can call mine.
Thanks for reading as always)

A

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Another World: Grey Coat, Green Scarf

I sometimes wonder how it'd be if we met today. 

Walking down a bustling high street at rush hour, coffee in hand, a mixture of golden leaves rustling under her feet, she rushes to reach the station on time. Then she notices. The grey-coat-green-scarf combination; a sight burned into her consciousness forever. Him. Here. Could it be?

 He disappears behind the mass of people weaving their way through the street. Despite the tiny voice at the back of her mind warning her to stop, she can't help but speed up, desperate to get another look. Just to be sure.

Would you stop and speak? Or would you walk by without a second glance?

Hastily, she attempts to surge through the throng of people, their briefcases beating against her, creating a personal obstacle course. It had to be him, it couldn't possibly be anyone else. She couldn't be wrong again, surely?

I'd like to think you'd still be the same; that we'd go for coffee in a cliched chain store and catch up on times gone by.

There he was, directly in front of her. Her heartbeat pulsing so loud it resonated around her mind creating a soundtrack for her whirring thoughts. Just do it, reach out, touch him. You've waited so long for this moment, dreamed of it endless times, what are you waiting for? Just do it. Reach out. Touch him. Do it. Reach out. Touch him. Do it, reach out, touch him.

'Hello...' 

'He-wow...Is it- is it really you? ...I can't believe it.'

'No, me neither.'

She did it. She reached out. She touched him, and in that one moment, a huge fraction of her life seemed to flash before her in slow motion. All the memories came flooding back, entwining with one another, filling her mind and heart with a montage of images and long lost emotions.

'Sorry, do I know you?'

'Oh. Er...sorry, I-I thought you were somebody else.'

She had been wrong. Again. It wasn't him and it probably never would be. Carrying her embarrassment and heartbreak with her, she fell back into the crowd.

I wonder if I'll ever find out.

Hello everyone,

As you will have guessed by now, I have started to post short extracts that I have penned myself. I really miss being creative, and having the chance to write so hope to post more like this when I feel inspired to! In order to distinguish between these and my regular(ish) type of post, I will name them 'Another World'. I must stress, this is a work of fiction. My life is neither this exciting or romantic, haha.

I'd really appreciate your feedback, so if you have any comments you'd like to share, please do! And if you write anything similar to this yourself, leave your blog below and I'll follow you. 

As always, thanks for reading.

A

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