Tuesday, 21 October 2014

A Space just for Me

I've always been a creative person; my mind often wandering off into a world of it's own. A world of hope, magic and wonder. A world where anything is possible; any dream is manageable. And so, it's hard for me when the reality in which we're placed is in such harsh contrast. 

Sometimes I'll catch myself daydreaming of a world so similar yet so different. An imaginary oxymoron. Another space completely, where everything resembles the ordinary, yet can't be matched up. 
At times, the changes between the two worlds will be loud and bright, like a flash of lightning on a stormy evening. I'll be whisked away to another location completely, or I may not look the same as I do now.

Yet at others, the difference will be so minute, so subtle, that I'll catch my breath wondering if maybe, just maybe this is real.
You'd look at me and smile that dreaded, beautiful smile that shatters my heart into a thousand pieces whilst simultaneously fixing it back together again. There'd be definite eye contact; I wouldn't be afraid to hold it for fear of you seeing deep into my soul. And you wouldn't be afraid either. 
We'd share something; a spark, a moment, a feeling. It would be real and concrete, not hypothesised and unrealistic.

Things are the same, yet different in this little space of mine. And at the moment, I'm not sure which one I prefer.


Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Dear Autumn,

You're a challenging one aren't you?

Along with your vibrant influx of colour, you bring winds of change.

Of challenge.
Of slight discomfort.

Yet, you've always been my favourite. Despite the struggles nestling just underneath the surface, you bring with you something so special.

A rusty hopefulness.

The chance of something new; a fresh start, a new beginning.

As the leaves flutter down from the branches, their job for the year complete, I imagine brushing away my worries just as simply.
But, it's not that easy is it?

Unlike your relentlessly happy sibling Summer, it's easier to feel alone when you're around, Autumn. Troubles and worries creep up on me in the early evening dusk. As the nights draw in quicker than before, I find myself contemplating a lot.

It becomes far too easy to get caught up in a whirlwind of negative thoughts. Like the leaves whistling, weaving and winding their way through the wind, my mind takes over and anxiety kicks in.

But, that's okay. I can manage with the worries; they teach me new things about myself and they remind me that I care. For months during Summer, everything is lightweight, free, fun and easy. Autumn arrives and we're thrust back in to the realms of the real world, as suddenly as we're jolted out into the cold. 

But, you're not a burden to me Autumn. Far from that. Instead, you teach me to embrace the changing landscape. By testing and challenging me in more ways than one, you remind me that the best memories come from not running and hiding from that which scares me. 

Autumn; you're a time for snuggling, for curling up in the warmth with a mug of tea as big as my face. 

For laughter, for music concerts, for new books, new friends, new moments to treasure. 

A time for reflection, for realising that everything is going to be alright one way or another. 

For remembering who and what means the most to me, and clinging onto them as we head towards the magic that is Winter.

You may not be as warm and inviting as Summer, but my gosh Autumn, you sure have my heart.