Lately, I have been avoiding blogging for a number of reasons. One being that I am simply swamped under with uni work at the moment, but another (and the most prominent) is that I haven't wanted to fill the page with negativity. Even now as I sit at my desk typing this, I'm finding myself at a loss of what to say. I haven't wanted to create a generic piece just for the sake of posting something, I've wanted to write something real but I struggled with what. So, I have decided that I'm simply going to tell you all how I'm feeling in the hope that it will help me to free up some of the space currently filled with negativity, making from for positivity and productivity!
This year at university has already seen me come across a number of challenges, for instance being President of a Society. This takes up a vast amount of my 'spare' time, but I am loving every moment of it. Musical Theatre means the world to me as cliched as it sounds. The friends I have made within the society are some of the best I will ever make, and my experience last year truly shaped my university life. Therefore, I am determined to work hard to create the same (if not better) experience for the new members that have joined us this term. This means I am frequently adding many more items to my to-do list before I've managed to cross any off! Luckily for me though,working under pressure is when I perform at my best and so this is a challenge I am willing to accept again and again.
The main challenge I am stuggling with the most at the moment is living away from home. Despite being in the same city that I grew up in, and being able to see my family on most weekends, something just doesn't feel right. Unfortunately, I feel the reason is down to one of the people I am living with.
Last year, myself and two friends put down a deposit for a house for us all to live in the following September. But, in the middle of Summer, right before we had to start making rent payments, one of the girls dropped out choosing to live with the boyfriend she had recently got engaged to. Helpful, not. We were left up the creek without a paddle as my Grandad would say! Myself and my friend contacted practically everyone we knew, but it was too short notice for anyone to be able to afford to move in with us. We were left with having to advertise the property and live with someone we had never met before. I found this extremely daunting as not only had I never moved away from my family, but now it was to be in with someone I had never met.
To cut a long story short, we found a guy willing to move in and everything was settled. Or so it seemed. Although there is nothing wrong with him personally, I find him extremely difficult to live with. He cooks on average 3-5 massive cakes a week which he then eats, yet is being extremely picky about electricity bills. He has stunk the house out with various foods, the main being fish pie and a huge pork joint. As well as this, I find him to be very uncomfortable to be around. Because he is a few years older than myself, I feel like he believes he has to prove this all the time as he consistently patronises me on a regular basis. It has got to the point now that my other housemate and I come back from lectures and go to our rooms. That is where we stay until we go down to cook, and then come back again. The living room simply doesn't get used as you can't have a conversation without being corrected or interrupted all the time. I don't feel homesick because I'm away from home, I feel homesick because I'm uncomfortable where I am.
However, I have decided that I am not going to let this get me down any longer. I am paying good money to live in this house, and so I want to feel happy in it! From now on, I am banishing all negative vibes from myself, and am purely going to focus on being positive. I am very fortunate to have a lot of great things in my life, and so when I'm down I will put my energy into those, and into creating something rather than just sulking. I'm aware that this post will not be good reading for many of you, but I needed somewhere to let it out. I often find that by writing down my troubles, my brain forms solutions for them at the same time!
Hopefully, my inspiration will filter through at some point soon and I will have some worthwhile content for you to read!
Have you ever had any bad experiences similar to mine? How did you cope with them?